Homesick

LJ throwback!

Music: Folk Alley from http://www.shoutcast.com/radio/Folk

Mood: Tenatively Happy


I am listening to folk music, and I am happy. I miss banjos. I miss trees. I miss you friends.

The weird thing about Korea is that culture is judgmental. Everyone is looking at you and judging you because you're a representative of them (you know, collectivist society and all that stuff). For example, most everyone is conscious of how they dress. There are no pajama pants and oily hair in Seoul. Even the casual styles are carefully calculated, with pair of pink high top shoes say, or a ponytail with just the right amount of fly away hair and hoop earrings. There is no true rolled-out-of-bed look.

As true blue foreigners, people like Andrew and my neighbor Amy get a Get Out of Jail Free Card. If Amy wears a tank top and accidentally bares a shoulder or two, the Koreans forgive her lewdness because her nordic ancestors blessed her with blonde hair and pale skin. If Andrew decides to grab my butt in public, the koreans forgive him because he's a horny westerner.

If I'm lucky, they will lump me in with him and forgive us both. More often than not, I have to endure dirty looks and slack stares from Koreans on the subway. If Andrew grabs my butt, They look at me as if I am the ultimate Korean slut. If I'm alone, I can forget any sort of forgiveness. I commit social faux pas multiple times a day. Let's see if I can make a list...

1. inappropriate clothing
2. inappropriate level of voice (too loud)
3. not following subway etiquette. This includes but is not limited to
-being aware of the invisible lines between your seat and the next, and NOT crossing over whatsoever (unless youre a korean and happen to fall asleep. Then you are allowed to slump over on the person next to you until your face rests lightly on their shoulder)
-Yielding AT ALL TIMES to the ajummas (which are older korean ladies who seem to have collectively rebelled against their former subservient status and are currently living their lives out as surly, callous, self-serving crotchety old ladies who cut in front of you at the subway station, have special seats reserved on the subway, dont speak the polite form of korean to anybody, and wear huge visors and sunglasses that practically eliminate their last visible traces of humanity)
-Understanding that lines do not exist in Korea, and to attempt to form one is a ridiculous expectation that can not possibly be followed by people in a hurry--and everyone is in a hurry. If you wait in line for all the stalls in the subway bathroom, you will never get one, because other koreans just entering will take the first stall that comes available as soon as possible. Likewise, waiting in line to get off the subway will simply get you shoved to the back of the 'herd' that forms. The proper way to exit a subway train is for everybody to crowd as quickly as possible to the opening, not waiting for anybody to get in front of you, and creating a situation in which everone is stuck, shoulder to shoulder, until someone forces one person free by pushing them from behind. In which case, a mad rush for the elevator occurs and the process starts over. This rule is important. Waiting in line in Seoul for anything will only result in making you last to do or get whatever it is you want.

4. Not being able to speak the language. Because i look Korean, and I am half Korean, my lack of Korean language skills basically makes me a paraiah to my people.



okay okay, i exagerate...slightly. But it feels like this a lot. Navigating Seoul can sometimes be extremely exhausting, especially if I dont have my guard up. The judgments are crazy! and they're everywhere! people don't hesitate to give you a stare down if they;re mad at you--but they won't confront you directly, that would be impolite. I was talking to one of my other friends in the building, Viviane, and she told me that one of her Korean friends who studied in America told her she missed America because she could walk out on the street there without being Judged. this is from a native korean--proof that I am not just going crazy with culture shock.


i miss you, my friends, so much right now. I wish I could teleport back for a hot second and throw back some hurricane katrina shots. Nobody here knows who I am except Andrew and Lisbeth. Nobody here loves me the way you guys do. Its weird. Being in Knoxville, I felt safe and protected, because I knew if we were out somewhere, and something bad happened, whoever I was with would be there, would try to help. But here, with these people I just met, around koreans who can't understand me, I feel vulnerable.

Anyway, next post Im going to update on stuff I have been DOING. I promise it hasn't all been sad things. Its just what I write about because writing helps me deal with sad things. I have pictures too!

(Preview for next post: Lisbeth, Andrew, mycousin and I went to a small Korean village. Pictures will accompany!)

Love you!